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let the heart control
hold the love forever^

♥Copyrighted 2009
http://shadows-of-silence.blogspot.com/
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.Monday, June 9, 2008 ' 11:25 PM Y



i saw this on hiok's blog and i want to put it here too.

' Like always, after something big happens, we tend to look back and think "i should have done that instead." maybe thats just human nature. '

since the last day of term 2, i stopped going online on msn messenger.
some have asked me why i have not went online for a single second since then and i thank you for your concern.
deep down in my heart, i asked myself this, but yet i couldn't answer myself too. am i hiding from something? am i clinging onto hope which i pray is not false? am i waiting for something to happen?
i know, a few days back, i convinced myself that i was not going online because i was waiting for a chance, i was waiting for someone to come online and then i'll use the chance.
he did, yes. but even when he did, i couldn't get myself to change my status to online. i remember that day when it happened, my mind was really in a whirl. i realised that even if he did come online, i couldn't do anything. so what if i really did go online? what would have happened? what difference would it be?
wu was at my house today and he mentioned the fact that i was not going online. i couldn't even give a reply to that at all.

thanks ben chin anw, even though you didn't manage to do it.

i'll just hide in the shadows and wallow in the loneliness.
just when i was seeing hope, it got dashed.

i'm really sorry for emo-ing, but sometimes i really just can't help it, because i feel i'm useless? i can't deal with a simple matter?
maybe using training as spiritual therapy is not enough. am i losing confidence and faith in what i'm doing. this morning, i was tempted to even pon training for the rest of the hols. but i thank wzy for making me not do so.

even the wounds on my leg don't hurt that much.

Music changes everything<'3
Rock rock rock :D


N Site Master '


Dedrick
15+ (going on 16)
2 Dec 93
1P/2P Perfected '07
3T/4T Taupok '09!!
Tracker
dedricktan1202@hotmail.com

N Whisper-ed '




N Cravings '

My Wish List ♥

run faster, jump higher, and jump further + grow just a FEW cm taller
more friends! more fun!
Wants a portable DVD player, Nokia 5800, PSP slim, new NIKE shoebag, new hoodie, adidas adiStar LJ, NIKE Zoom Powercat, new pencilcase, Death Note notebook (fake one duh!), Shakugan no Shana II series, Gundam 00 wall poster, NIKE Zoom Forever,
HER <3

N Fly Aways '

BIGGIE & little one :D
2P Perfected '07
3T Taupok '08
Aloy
Alvin
Benjamin
Calvin
Celestine
Chern Hwee
Chin Jie
Clara
Daron
Davin
Ding Hao
Elaine
Ernest
Ervin
Ewan
Francis
Germaine
Gifford
Hao Zhi
Hiok Yang
Jack
Jerry
Jim
Jimmy
Kieran
Matthew
Matthias
Nicholas Oh
Tiffany
Vignes
Wai Choong
Wei An
Wei Sheng
Xin Yan
Yu Ming

N Entertainment '


N Credits '

Designer : blend-ed.notes♥
Codings : xx .
Image : Paint, xxx
Cursors : x