Music ! ♥

let the heart control
hold the love forever^

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http://shadows-of-silence.blogspot.com/
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terrible day.

haozhi and jim should know what happened to me after training. first time i felt so terrible after training. i'm quite sure normally, i wouldnt feel that horrible. i guess everything just sort of hit me and rushed up my head. all the past few weeks' problems, all the hope that i tried to get in solving my problems, and all the disappointment i felt.
it was horrible.
and the pain lasted the whole day.

going to school for cca feels good . not that staying home sucks. but at least, during these few weeks of rest, when i go for cca, i can at least forget all the stress and the problem weighing me down, talk with the other track mates and at least smile or laugh heartily (no matter how forced or fake these smiles and laughs are) even if these smiles or laughs are a facade, an act to put on a brave front.
at home, when i'm all alone, despondence just creeps into me and it tires me out. not a nice feeling definitely.

saw shaun thium at the food court this afternoon. the sight of him just woke my senses, made me realise my mistake in sec 1, and is this a shadowing of the present? it struck me hard that this time, i made a similar mistake, but i know, i want to correct it! really felt quite bad when i realised how badly i handled the matter.
however, it was quite fun when i was eating with kieran, wang kwan, said, jim and haozhi. like good friends all around me and during that few minutes which i ate with them, i really felt very carefree, that nothing would weigh me down at all. i think that was the only time today that i really smiled and laughed- true laughs and smiles. i should really treasure the few years we have left together, after all, they are the ones who are by my side at training, giving me advice, occasionally providing me encouragement, and also teasing me to brighten my spirits.

but, like i said, terrible day today. went back home and asked my sister to play tennis with me. she couldnt but i was adamant and she got quite pissed. ended up quarreling with her.
i know it's not her fault, she's taking her A levels this year, i really shouldnt have quarreled with her.
at night, i drank this soybean milk and found that it was spoiled. really couldnt control myself and shouted a vulgarity in anger. got angry with my mum and dad, and they're of course, still angry now.

i've already lost an uncle and probably lost a friend, what else must i lose?
i made the same mistake which i told myself i would never make again 2 years ago, and i was so petty to wait for someone to come and apologise to me directly, when i definitely could have gone to tell him i'm not angry at him anymore.
i think i'll just use this holiday as a period to slowly forget my problems, to get stronger physically and mentally, and to start afresh in term 3.

i need a breather. i think i really need to relax, destress a bit.

Music changes everything<'3
Rock rock rock :D